Apologies for the shadow I threw across the painting when I took the picture.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Cabins Part Deux
Monday, May 12, 2014
First attempt at painting
I decided that before I went back to drawing I wanted to play with painting a little to see if I could do that too. Unfortunately, the painting was ruined by an accident. I am rebuilding it from a slightly different perspective and using a different technique.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
The Suffering of Others
I feel the pain of others more than they can imagine. I see it in their eyes, their body language, hear it in the inflection of their voices, their vocabulary, and the pauses in their sentences. And I do feel it. I enter into their pain and misery even if only for a few moments.
Not long ago I watched as people were being laid-off from their jobs and each and every moment I could feel their anger, frustration, fear, sadness, confusion, and all the rest. Because I was the person who was most involved with their lay-offs I was the object of that suffering.
For the last couple of months I have been recovering from it all. I am still recovering. I'll return soon...
Not long ago I watched as people were being laid-off from their jobs and each and every moment I could feel their anger, frustration, fear, sadness, confusion, and all the rest. Because I was the person who was most involved with their lay-offs I was the object of that suffering.
For the last couple of months I have been recovering from it all. I am still recovering. I'll return soon...
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Non-linear in a linear world
I spend a lot of time struggling with the linearity of others. They want to hit every point from A to Z. I go from V to L to A to U to Z and skip all the rest. What's more, as an INTP I inherently understand and like to build systems, but I find that if I have to live inside one of those systems I have created it strangles me. I rebel against the rigid walls I've built.
I know that my designs work and do what they are intended, but when it comes down to the moment I find that I will not conform to the system. The dichotomy of the situation lends itself to a host of ironic situations. Right now on my desk I have a guide for how to do projects, it covers every detail of project management that I have learned over the years. And yet, as I look at it and the projects in front of me I know that I am not likely to use the guide as I wrote it. I designed it for linear thinkers, not me.
Of course that makes sense, why would I design something for me when my entire life has been designing systems for other personality types? Unfortunately, now my career is changing (again) and I really do need these new systems for me.
The concept of kits seems to lend itself to this. Years ago I realized it was silly for me to have a "perfect" kit or toolbox for every job. That lent itself to massive amounts of duplication (do I need a hammer for carpentry and a separate one for picture hanging and a third for pounding stakes in the garden?). So I started to break my kits into broader categories that allowed some cross over. To add some humor to it I gave them silly names. Now I have a shelf of "pounders" in my workshop. When I need to pound something I can go to that shelf and select just the right hammer for the job at hand (or the right hammer for the thumb at job).
I'm wondering if the same needs to be true for how I work in the office. Maybe I am spending far too much time trying to build perfect kits for everything rather than putting my "tools" where they need to be in a general sense. I've been building entire guides for doing things rather than small crib sheets for how to do a small thing.
Something inside me seems worried about making absolutely sure my kits are complete, but as I think about it it is impossible to have a complete kit for projects without knowing every possible project that may come into my life. Instead, I can break my kits down to tasks that may be part of a project. If I need it then the tool is there, if not then it can be safely ignored for this project.
I know that my designs work and do what they are intended, but when it comes down to the moment I find that I will not conform to the system. The dichotomy of the situation lends itself to a host of ironic situations. Right now on my desk I have a guide for how to do projects, it covers every detail of project management that I have learned over the years. And yet, as I look at it and the projects in front of me I know that I am not likely to use the guide as I wrote it. I designed it for linear thinkers, not me.
Of course that makes sense, why would I design something for me when my entire life has been designing systems for other personality types? Unfortunately, now my career is changing (again) and I really do need these new systems for me.
The concept of kits seems to lend itself to this. Years ago I realized it was silly for me to have a "perfect" kit or toolbox for every job. That lent itself to massive amounts of duplication (do I need a hammer for carpentry and a separate one for picture hanging and a third for pounding stakes in the garden?). So I started to break my kits into broader categories that allowed some cross over. To add some humor to it I gave them silly names. Now I have a shelf of "pounders" in my workshop. When I need to pound something I can go to that shelf and select just the right hammer for the job at hand (or the right hammer for the thumb at job).
I'm wondering if the same needs to be true for how I work in the office. Maybe I am spending far too much time trying to build perfect kits for everything rather than putting my "tools" where they need to be in a general sense. I've been building entire guides for doing things rather than small crib sheets for how to do a small thing.
Something inside me seems worried about making absolutely sure my kits are complete, but as I think about it it is impossible to have a complete kit for projects without knowing every possible project that may come into my life. Instead, I can break my kits down to tasks that may be part of a project. If I need it then the tool is there, if not then it can be safely ignored for this project.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
The delicate balance of aloneness
This morning I woke up and spent a little time considering the sermon from church yesterday. I was in a pretty decent state of mind. I was trying to get my head straightened-out so I could have a productive day. Then my wife walked into our bedroom, "Can I ask you a question?"
I always feel a bit of trepidation when she asks that. I know it means there's some emotional payload coming. She gets up hours before I do and by the time I'm starting my day she has a list of items to talk to me about, things she wants to get done, and so on. We've had a few good arguments over it all. She's tried to wait a bit, but she has horrible timing. For a while she tried just hunting me down when I was in the shower. Then she tried sending me emotion-laden text messages while I was at work. Then she'd try to dump things on me as soon as I got home. Of course, by the time I am feeling balanced out in the evening she's too tired to talk and falls asleep. Our clocks couldn't be more out of sync if we tried.
Sure enough, she asked this morning, why I am "always" so hard on my oldest son? Apparently he had his feelings hurt when I told him to go out last night, put the lawnmower in the shed, pick up his two bicycles, put them away, and then close the door on the shed. Of course they had all been sitting out for days...in the rain.
As soon as the question was asked the mental walls flew up. The delicate balance of healthy mindset was gone. My train of thought was not only derailed, but the bridge was blown out from underneath it.
Suddenly I was no longer trying to have a good day that avoided moral pitfalls and was truly productive. Now I was worrying over how bad of a father I am. Is my son sitting there thinking his father hates him? Does my wife think that I'm driving him away from us? What about the other kids? Are they feeling the same way?
My morning shower is usually a refuge for me. I slowly come to terms with what the day is going to bring and try to get a bead on how I'm going to go about handling the list of things I have to do. I lost that too. I just stood there wondering if anything I do is worthwhile.
By the time I made it to work the day was destroyed. I spent lunch with my son and daughter trying to express to them that I love them by just spending time with them. It never feels like it's enough.
I was so close to having a good day. I almost had the morning just perfect. I had almost the perfect amount of solitude. Then it all got blown up. I can't even express how frustrated I am.
I always feel a bit of trepidation when she asks that. I know it means there's some emotional payload coming. She gets up hours before I do and by the time I'm starting my day she has a list of items to talk to me about, things she wants to get done, and so on. We've had a few good arguments over it all. She's tried to wait a bit, but she has horrible timing. For a while she tried just hunting me down when I was in the shower. Then she tried sending me emotion-laden text messages while I was at work. Then she'd try to dump things on me as soon as I got home. Of course, by the time I am feeling balanced out in the evening she's too tired to talk and falls asleep. Our clocks couldn't be more out of sync if we tried.
Sure enough, she asked this morning, why I am "always" so hard on my oldest son? Apparently he had his feelings hurt when I told him to go out last night, put the lawnmower in the shed, pick up his two bicycles, put them away, and then close the door on the shed. Of course they had all been sitting out for days...in the rain.
As soon as the question was asked the mental walls flew up. The delicate balance of healthy mindset was gone. My train of thought was not only derailed, but the bridge was blown out from underneath it.
My morning shower is usually a refuge for me. I slowly come to terms with what the day is going to bring and try to get a bead on how I'm going to go about handling the list of things I have to do. I lost that too. I just stood there wondering if anything I do is worthwhile.
By the time I made it to work the day was destroyed. I spent lunch with my son and daughter trying to express to them that I love them by just spending time with them. It never feels like it's enough.
I was so close to having a good day. I almost had the morning just perfect. I had almost the perfect amount of solitude. Then it all got blown up. I can't even express how frustrated I am.
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